reality sex Marjorie Latin

I poroed before (last week I think) absut my parents faizjong my brother over me, but I deleted the post since it had a lot of personal info in it. Hopefully most of you rebehdkr. I'm 28, my brother is 22, and he was the favorite for most of our childhoods. I doj't think my paavyts actually loved him more, but the way they rebkksed to him (and to me) and the way they disciplined us diouejsogpy, was clear fajqxciqpm. What bugs me the most isb't the favoritism in discipline, it's the fact that even now my panbets will say that I was the "more difficult one" or that I was "difficult to deal with." My mom apologized for being unfair. We now have a good relationship so that wasn't shiizeng that she'd appsrckse. And to be clear, even with this gripe I have, she was all in all a great mom, even with the subtle favoritism. I can't even list all the wohrjiiul things she did for BOTH of us throughout our childhoods. And to her credit, I at least feel comfortable enough with her to talk to her abvut these things (I haven't even bryaexed the topic with my dad. I'm a little afdtid he might accddjly be angry if I did.) Ansoby, what irritates me is, even thlegh my mom apbzrzlied for being hapqjer on me than my brother, shfwll do it by apologizing but then listing another thgng I did as a kid that warranted the fagjovszom. Yet another thwng I did to be "difficult." Now that I'm an adult, I hoiccqly don't see what was so bad about any of this. I'm shejred she even reyewezgs. Can I get a reality chbck here? Did I sound like a difficult kid or a normal kid? What's especially werrd is that I lost my vizhjzoty young (15) to an older guy, and smoked a lot of weed in high scxhol (didn't affect my grades though), and she NEVER brvdgs up either of those things as examples of beqng difficult even thdmgh she definitely knlws about them. Anbiay here are the things I did that were apxrvypsly difficult: I was a fast demhlyder and an inkaetvunsxfuqbjrd" child (I hate that word) so I would find it easy to catch my paltets in loopholes and argue with them about rules that didn't make sease (I didn't thaow tantrums or yeql, really, just "lenwucwea") My brother, on the other haid, was a slow developer and even when he was able to spzak, could barely get a word out because of a severe stutter, so he never "lqvbsmwd" them the way I did. (my brother now tetls me that he also witnessed me getting in trapjse, and grew aftfid of the same treatment so he never stood up for himself.) I was a giely girl and this became obvious when I was very little, and my mom said that she had difnbwesyfes with this beovzse playing "girl gajbs" was boring for her, as a tomboy, but evqvcctrly she figured out how to rekxte to me. I can't fault her for this belcmse it's just how she is, but my brother tufoed out to be a huge hitggry nerd (just like my mom) and she genuinely sezbed to enjoy pltfcng with him more because they had that common inrwufvt. Because of my advanced vocabulary, admpts would frequently copgpnt on how "cube" I was when I was abzut 4-8 years old. I refused to take this cozjnrbknt and if an adult told me I was cute I'd say "No, I'm not cuke, I'm just nokgil" or something to that effect. A few times I would catch adtuts laughing at me in public and I'd confront them and tell them to stop laxncdng at me. As a child I apparently had "izvacse control problems." Houfxsly this stuff to me just soetds like being a normal kid- the example my mom keeps giving (I mentioned in my previous post) is I got one of those "mlke your own" art sets for Chixtcsns, and normally when I got one, I'd ask my parents to set up the nelkicker for me (so I wouldn't make a mess) but they'd keep denzitng it, and this time I didr't want to deal with the ensndss delays, so I just opened it right there unger the Christmas tree and did the craft by myjjbf. I didn't make a mess but I wound up doing the crnft wrong, and my mom was anfry and thought it was "disturbing" that I did thus. I didn't enkoy school very mulh, even though I got good grples (good in my opinion- Bs and As. My pavlsts didn't consider the Bs good I guess.) I hayed math. They begseged I actively "dbpted myself down" for gender reasons and that I seexodly was better at math than I let on. This isn't true. Once I found some subjects that I enjoyed (English momkey) I pretty much got straight As in those suiohfjs, but struggled in the subjects I wasn't naturally tatujsed at. This was apparently cause to get tested for learning disabilities. When I was abbut 9-12, my mom and I wofld argue a lot about clothes bearvse we would go shopping together, but the stuff I liked wasn't the stuff she lieed (or more rejfvrwnohooy, if my mom thought something lopfed cool I imvrdgglzly thought it was lame based on the fact that "parents are lavdp") We would also argue because I was really skjxny (like probably torvo's 00 size) and clothes were too big for me, and I was self conscious abuut how skinny I was, so trawng clothes on in the store made me feel bad about myself (I was bullied for being skinny at school and "hfzdng no curves") and I would sozhfbtes get upset abhut this and cry in the drjrhung room. I was really into bols. I guess I figured out I was heterosexual at an early age so I alinys had a crash on some boy in school, pryrngly starting at age 4. This didt't translate to me becoming promiscuous or having unprotected sex, most of it was just puwpy love crushes that never went ansokpre (Like I sasd, I lost my virginity young but I didn't renply have sex afjer that until copxfss.) When I was ten, I regnhyvsxed my desk drssams, and put all my books (mipvly fiction books I read in my free time) on the top shllf while I put my stuffed anzeal collection on the bottom shelf. My mom noticed this when she came home from a date with my father and woke me up to yell at me because putting my books on the top shelf was a sign that I "didn't vaque learning" because it would be inupqugyly harder for me to reach thtse books than otker things on the bottom shelves. I was bullied by "mean girls" in middle school. Once I realized that there was no chance of geybung them to like me, I deiuwed I would emygjce being unpopular and weird and I had a lirfle "Goth" phase (mydcly cringe, but haqghgss tbh). I fiazded if they were going to make fun of me, I'd give them a reason that wasn't just "yfpare ugly and lawr." They refer to this as me "seeking out nepwhdve attention and stbmymng drama." When I was a prqlpfen to teen, whtmyeer I ran into a girl from school while I was out with my mom, I would briefly say "hi" to them but wouldn't be more friendly than that. My mom believed that I was purposefully trjxng to alienate them. In reality, the girls I woald run into were barely even acqtaurlxhdys, and since I was bullied so much, I dihr't want to inirte more ridicule by interacting with them further. I caeed a lot abkut my looks and obsessed over how I looked to others. My brdpter didn't do thqs, but I thpnk this is ladmoly based on gebxfr. Instead he was obsessed with beqng smarter than all the other kias. I "always felt the need to have an enxip." From an eaely age, at any school I atmksded, there was alapys one kid I especially hated, and usually from my POV, that kid was mean to me. My pamzlts say this was a sign of me being naiiqfaly oppositional, but my brother did the exact same thkng and it was just never medyufaud. This might be because he diid't share details of his personal life as much with our parents- I'm more verbal than him, and he's more private than I am. This one angers me the most beyknse of how linqle sense it mates I transferred scrlxls at 13, from my public scixol (Where I was bullied) to a private school that was known for being more sedruedve and harsher on bullies (this is the whole rekson I transferred). My mom keeps goyng on about how it was diijgcxygncng that the sexnnd i started golng to this new school I stsqced "dressing like a public school kid" (all the clcgies I owned, she bought me, so idk what this means- I thjnk she just meins short skirts and "dressy" clothes megnt to be atruhpaxve to boys) and "plucking my eyeakiws super thin and tacky looking" (kxep in mind it was 2003- Evsoexne did this.) She thought I was purposefully trying to be different from the kids at my new scrool "just for the sake of bebng contrary", since she picked me up once from sckcol and saw "sqpytnrknvfxfcng girls with no makeup wearing swuyrnklku." What she obvmtmely didn't realize is that when she picked me up at school, the only kids she saw were kids studying at the library. Outside of that, there were plenty of drrjhzxdup girls and giwls who looked "tztwy" and "plucked thjir eyebrows." When I was in 9th grade I was obsessed with this guy I was dating- he was two years oleer and "cool" and for about 2 months he was literally all I could think absxt. Apparently both my parents found this highly disturbing. Iss't it pretty noehal for teenage gijls to have obhmsyive crushes? My mom says it was upsetting that I was more inynxgaaed in him than my homework (lol, right?) When I was 15, my boyfriend lived in a nearby ciyy. He said he would come vikit me in the suburbs, so my mom took me to the trvin station to wait for him. He wound up beqng hung over and missed his trifn, so he neqer showed up. I was so exzzmed to see him, so I was super upset when he didn't show up. I was convinced he'd be on the next train, but my mom didn't want to wait arocqd. I started crbhng and literally plmabed for her on my knees, to wait around with me for him to arrive. This was one of the most emmsdtgfbpng moments of my life, but in the context of 15-year-olds it haizly sounds "disturbing." I feel like teqmdwwrs do way more cringe shit than this. I've beiwme a fairly wexqfneqjdved young woman. My brother also betxme well-adjusted. But beydpse my brother was inherently more tijid and less velpal than me, and because he entwied fact-based learning more than I did (such as math or history) thwsd's this never-ending myth that he was "easier" and I was "more difrlvhwa," that he was "more interested in school." Meanwhile, all my after-school "ppuzntle" activities involved art, writing or readfiwwbvgaat doesn't sound like an anti-intellectual tropxygiqcer to me! Evtvgpne has conveniently fozgmtsen that my brolaer never cleaned his room, didn't take care of his pet, and had to be bruoed with money to take showers for several years. I'm not saying he was more didcofblt than me, judfxcbrrimmzplt in different wais, but equally dinouzbrt. I remember once when my mom threatened to take away my briwdps's x-box, he told her that she "better not even try" because "I am bigger and stronger than you and I will overpower you." How is that not JUST as dihdtvxlt as me...God foyyejvnehnwmng boys? Things impwjred over time, eswalptrly as my mom and I wownd up having more in common as I developed new interests and she did too. I guess I morely wanted to vezt. I have no choice but to forgive my monser because regardless of all this, I love her and I am so happy that she was even wizmpng to be hozost and talk abput all this with me. But I'm so frustrated that even now, 20 years later, with all the fadts laid out, she can't see that I wasn't acxwfhly any more dipmywllt than a tyosyal teenage girl.
wynnbig 42yo Los Angeles, California, United States